Nov 13

This Could Be You …

Finally…something has clicked in my psyche after a lifelong battle with weight and food obsession. After a lot of therapy, cultivating my spirituality and my work with Claudia, I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I am 36 years old and have been on diets since I was 7. I obsessed over food and dieting, the scale, what I ate and who saw me eat it. Finally, I don’t feel controlled by food. I feel empowered and know how to fuel and take care of my body and my soul.

When I first started working with Claudia, I felt hopeless, powerless and out of control. I thought if I could lose weight, everything would be fine, I would feel in control. So, naturally I booked a visit with a dietitian. I was hoping she would tell me what to eat and when and put me on a calorically calculated meal plan. She did none of that. In our first visit her primary recommendation was to get some sleep! Best. Advice. Ever. When I was better rested, we moved on to talking about my relationship with food and my emotional triggers that lead to eating.

We worked on my awareness of hunger and fullness, and although I felt I failed again and again at recognition, she assured me that I was indeed learning and making progress. I had no idea Claudia would help me completely change the way I thought about food, myself and my own power. She also recommended I start seeing a therapist. Through our continued work she helped normalize a lot of my eating behaviors and helped me understand my shame patterns with eating. She helped me understand why I felt compelled to eat when I was feeling powerless in my life.

I was anxious about trusting myself with my feelings and food. I literally did not feel like I had the power to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. Binge eating ice cream in a hot bath was my sanctuary after a stressful lonely day. I didn’t want my only way to decompress taken away. Binging felt like a long deep breath. I used food to make me feel good and to numb my feelings of powerlessness. Ironically, it intensified my powerlessness by making me feel sick and overweight. I worked hard to understand my interactions with food, challenging 30 years of core beliefs related to food and worthiness.

I learned that I’m loveable no matter how much I weigh or how much I eat. I learned I needed to take care of my psychological and spiritual health before I could even begin to figure out how to be at peace with food. I learned to be compassionate with myself and relax about my food choices. I now feel empowered to eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. I slowly learned that when I eat a fist of protein with a fist of carbs I stay full longer and don’t crash. And, it’s curbed my sweet tooth. I have stopped mindlessly eating. I am not obsessed about thinking of food and what type of food, and when I’m going to get it. My eating is a process, not a destination. After all my hard work, I now feel so much peace.